yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
