The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
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