i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
