Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she peed on how many people?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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