so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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