your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
