who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
