She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
