i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
