Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize