yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
