I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
