New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
