Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
