its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
