I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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