You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
