i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
it's like heaven, but drunker
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
