my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
