I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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