just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
