we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
