I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
