I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
