fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
