Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
