Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
