I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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