what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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