he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
