you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You took a bar mat shot.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
