i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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