just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
