i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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