Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize