I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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