Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
