Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
