remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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