I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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