Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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