By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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