Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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