i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
