I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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