Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
