I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you win again, gameday.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
