He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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