I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize