I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My dick has a subreddit
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
