i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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