Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You are the jesus of drinking
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
