I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize