i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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