What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
