So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
