Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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