She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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