Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
