ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
