Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
