Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
