I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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