neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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