I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
