What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize