This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
