sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
