we have pet lesbian snakes
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
